Glowworm Zone

Why is it so hard to show people things you've made? Fear of judgement from others is the obvious answer, but where does that fear really come from? In my case, when it comes to my art, it might have something to do with watching a few too many of those videos of people ridiculing beginner artists when I was an impressionable middle schooler and beginner artist.

Right now, though, I'm specifically thinking about characters I've made, and why it makes me nervous to show them to other people. This is fresh on my mind because I recently added some in-character OC webpages to this site. I had been working on them for a while, but it took me until today to add them to the sidebar, since I was so afraid of being seen as "cringe" or something. I eventually realized this is kind of silly because A) nearly everyone on Neocities is "cringe" and all the better for it, and B) this is my website and I should just do what I want at the end of the day.

But for a long time I've had this problem of balancing my extreme desire to talk about my OCs and their stories with my fear of being judged for it. And I think I figured out one reason why. I don't want other people to misinterpret how I see my own characters and then somehow incorrectly extrapolate something about my personal beliefs from it. This probably comes from just, like, the way the internet is now. I am in no way complaining about "cancel culture" here but you have to admit that the internet can be pretty hostile, and it often happens that people's words are twisted and interpreted as something they're not, and there can be harsh consequences for something like that. The stakes are really incredibly low for me since I'm just some rando with a Neocities, not at all popular, and I'm thankful for that. Still, watching the number of views on my website crawl up makes me nervous and I have a small fear of my yet-unknown writing projects and characters someday being misinterpreted.

While we're at it, let's get one thing straight about one of the characters showcased here on my site—Sloane. I LOVE Sloane. From Sloane's webpage, you might get the impression that Sloane is kind of annoying and edgy, and yeah, that's an intentional part of Sloane's characterization. You might also note that this is a character who makes trashy, campy, violent films intended both as satire and to provoke controversy. HOWEVER, I don't want anyone thinking that means Sloane is a villain or anything like that. I'm not going to lie, if Sloane's films were real, I might be a fan. I'm all about that kind of garbage (not uncritically, of course, but y'know, it can be fun). I actually think Sloane is one of the more interesting of the three filmmaker characters I've made and that Sloane has some depth outside what can be revealed on a Neocities page. But that remains to be seen when and if the project Sloane is a part of is ever fully realized.

I kind of just derailed this entry to go on a rant about an OC but hey, it's my site, I can do that. I doubt anyone really reads this page anyway. I don't know. I'm getting a lot more hits lately but they might just be people visiting the index page and leaving. I have no way of knowing that. I just wanted to talk about Sloane. I'm in that phase after making a new character when the character is all I want to think about. That happens every time. Sorry. Can't help it. I would say more but I don't want this entry to get even more deranged than it already is. (Man, what a difference there is between this and my last entry.)

Well... I changed the sidebar link to this page to say "soapbox" for a reason, I guess!

If you look at the world around you right now, you might notice that it sucks. I'm from the southern United States and it really sucks. The world sucks in a lot of places, arguably everywhere.

Maybe I shouldn't say "the world" when I mean "society", because those aren't really the same thing. It's true that the larger societal structures we all occupy are rigged beyond belief so only the select few richest people win and everyone else suffers immensely under various combinations of systems our of our control. This has, of course, been going on for a really, really long time, but it's also true that the internet has put everything on blast and amplified existing social problems, along with creating new social problems of its very own. There's so much terrible shit everywhere. It's impossible not to see it when you have to live it. And almost everyone has to live it to some degree. But this stuff isn't the whole world even if it seems like it.

I'm not saying it's possible for anyone or anything to truly exist completely outside society, because it's not. I'm trying to find a way to say that there's good in the world without sounding like a naive optimist. Things look grim. Things are already extremely grim! I'm not at all optimistic about the future. I wish just as much as anyone else that we didn't all have to go through this. But "we all" is key here. A lot of us, including me, live very socially isolated lives now, so much so that we can forget other people live in the same world, and suffer and cope in their own ways.

All throughout human history people have been living through horrible, horrible things. It's disheartening to think of because it reminds you of just how much nonstop evil has gone on for century after century, but on the other hand, most of the people at any given time were just trying to live their lives, like we are now. They suffered a lot but they had joys too.

What I'm saying is, we're just a bunch of social animals, thrust into systems opposed to this most basic fact. Everything seems designed to isolate us, to keep us hopeless and apart. But no matter what happens, people need other people. No matter what happens, people can form connections and communities, people can improve those communities, people can understand each other and help each other get through things. People can laugh and fall in love and make art and create whole worlds of stories together. People are what make everything worthwhile. And that's not even fucking MENTIONING what people can accomplish, what changes CAN actually be made if people get together and refuse to fall victim to a doomer mindset. Things feel impossible to change but they're not.

Yeah, things are horrible now. But even if only out of hope, or a childish belief in the good in the world, I refuse to believe that things will be this bad forever. It might take centuries, but there has to be a better world out there some day. Every friendship I've had, every beautiful day I've spent with people I love cannot be worth nothing. I might be really scared right now, and whoever is reading this might be too. That is completely understandable with the current situation. But that doesn't mean we should give up. Even if we couldn't possibly win it would still be worth fighting for a better world. It would still be worth trying to change the systems no matter how hopeless it appeared or how hopeless it actually was. (And I don't believe anything is ever 100% hopeless.)

Giving up has never helped anyone or anything. There are a lot of reasons to fight, but I know it's exhausting to have to fight all the time. Talk to some real people if you can. Maybe go outside and look at nature, or bake something, or make some art or music. I don't know. I'm writing this to myself more than to anyone else, at this point, but if you've read this mess, you deserve to take a break for a while.

Man, it's been a while, huh? I want to maintain this website more consistently in the new year. I'm thinking of a major overhaul, including adding a section to rant about my characters and another section dedicated to my new special interest, bridges. Yes, the infrastructure. I'm into infrastructure now.

But that's beside the point. Today I finally have something I want to sound off about—something that's been a hot topic lately: COPYRIGHT.

There's a huge amount of discourse currently going on on every corner of the internet about AI art. I won't get into that, because it's been talked to death and I am honestly fucking sick of it. What I actually want to talk about is the response to it. AKA the fact that now, people who call themselves progressive are honestly arguing in favor of stricter copyright laws. Because, of course, stricter copyright laws are just the solution to those robots stealing our art. (And it's always the robots and never the people profiting off of the robots.) Huh??

This baffles me. First of all, since their introduction, copyright laws have never been intended to protect small, independent artists. If you look at how Disney lobbied hard for stricter copyright laws for years and years to protect their little mouse, this should be obvious... copyright laws are for huge IPs. They're for the multimedia conglomerates that own every show, every movie, every character ubiquitous in pop culture. They're for Metallica and the Beatles. They're not for the digital artists who post their OCs on Tumblr or the amateur experimental musicians on Bandcamp. They're not for you and me. To argue that stricter copyright laws would benefit anyone other than the already rich is ridiculous.

All this fear and hostility towards AI art (much of which is founded) is resulting in a disturbing trend. Hostility is also increasingly directed at transformative art generally. Some unknown artists are getting very defensive of the ownership of each and every thing they make. Not just their art but concepts, color palettes, and doing so much as generally taking inspiration from their works.

I may be totally anti-copyright, and I may personally be one of those people who puts everything ever under a creative commons license, but I understand wanting to own your creations. I understand how scary the thought of someone else profiting more than you off of something you made can be. I even understand why when fanfiction was first arising, some authors hated it—I'm attached to my characters too and it'd be upsetting to see people putting them in weird out-of-character situations. I don't think everyone should just learn to be okay with their art being sold unauthorized without credit or whatever slippery slope argument. But I think this sort of paranoid possessiveness is going too far. Color palettes? Inspiration?? ACTUALLY making copyright laws even STRICTER? I mean, how much stricter can they even get at this point? (Don't answer this, I don't want to know.)

Nothing is original. Everything is inspired by something. And I think it's beautiful to take existing works of art, whether they're visual art, music, literature, film, or anything else, and recontextualize them, transform them into something new. No one can own an idea. The problem is not people referencing or being inspired by other works, the problem is not people heavily sampling other music to make new things, the problem—although it isn't comparable to human transformative works—is not even AI. As always, the real problem is something much simpler... the way artists are treated in a capitalist society.

Well, I've gone on way too long, and this may be kind of incoherent because it's morning and I haven't slept. I will conclude unceremoniously. Goodbye.

What's the point of making music if no one is listening? I ask myself this every once in a while, when I'm feeling particularly down about my own work. Negative feelings aside, it is objectively true that very few people listen to what I create. But why should I feel bad about that? I make music for myself. At least, that's what I say... but it's nice to know that you've reached someone else. Which is why I get very happy when anyone compliments my drawings or really anything I've made. It's nice to be recognized, even if you're only doing something for your own self-fulfillment, or for art's sake.

Art's sake is as good a reason as any, if not better. The joy of having created something is very real and satisfying. The joy of listening to my music from 2 years ago compared to now, and knowing that I've improved and will continue to improve. I might actually be kinda good at this if I keep it up! That's a cool feeling!

There are thousands of people who do exactly what I do: make music for fun in their bedrooms and post it on bandcamp with zero advertisement, and get maybe a single digit number of followers, or maybe none at all. And just keep making it and posting it. I look through bandcamp tags and sort by random and see this all the time. I listen to it, too. Some of the greatest musicians of our lifetimes have 3 bandcamp followers. Some of the best musicians are using cracked copies of 2012 FL Studio. Some of the most innovative artists are composing in Anvil Studio with Microsoft GS Wavetable Synth. Really creative people will never get any recognition either because they don't get lucky or because they just don't want it.

That thought is sad, because I want to experience that art. (I want to experience ALL art.) I want those people to be recognized and have their work appreciated. The reality is that not everyone will get that. Most people won't. But in a way, does that also speak to humanity's inherent desire to create art? Without any incentive, people just make things. Really cool, beautiful, incredible things, just because we can. That thought is less sad.

Creating art is enough incentive, self-expression is enough fulfillment, and making music is fun. I will never stop. If an omnipotent being told me today that no one in the world would ever listen to my music ever again, I would keep making it. If I like it then that's good enough for me.

Liminal spaces. You know what they are. You have seen them. They're one of the biggest aesthetic trends on the internet in recent years. Someone takes a picture of an ominous 80s-looking office building, or a house with no furniture, or a mall or something, and people are beside themselves with how it makes them feel some distant, nameless emotion. Maybe it's a combination of nostalgia and uneasiness. Maybe it's a sort of longing. Whatever it is, no one knows what to call it, and everyone is trying to find as many images as possible that give them the same feeling.

I am not immune to liminal spaces, or to that nameless emotion. I've been into the idea for years, since following a bunch of aesthetic blogs on tumblr back in the day... though these days I like those pictures of familiar, comfortable looking outdoor spaces more. You know, the really green ones. Warm. They look nice. Anyway, liminal spaces—a cool concept, and the allure of these images is undeniable. And like many aesthetic trends, it's being... creepypastafied? Made into something scary and mysterious, and used commonly as a setting for horror.

I try not to be a hater, but it does annoy me just a little. I feel like a band I like has one hit song that's just kinda meh. The uneasiness was always a part of the whole aesthetic, but never the entire appeal, and I find those pictures more comforting than creepy. Like a cup of warm milk. Liminality itself is neutral. Maybe the ability to elicit such differing responses is something worth considering when thinking about liminality. Has anyone done a study on this yet? I'd love to read it. I'd love to know why liminal spaces have taken off so much, and what different people get out of them.

People hate a lot on the Backrooms, or rather the Backrooms extended universe or whatever you want to call it. That is where I draw the line. Have you seen the wikidot? Even if you don't like the concept, a bunch of people using their spare time for collaborative creative writing, much of which is actually pretty interesting stuff, isn't something to hate on. That's just mean.

Ah. There's so much negativity out there already. I can't bring myself to actually be that mad about people creepypastafying liminal spaces, if they're having a good time or being creative. At most I'm occasionally annoyed. And it's not the first time something I like is seen by others as creepy. (The other time it was clowns, and that upsets me way more. It's not like liminal space horror games are putting performance artists out of jobs. Not yet, anyway...)